‘and half of them are dead / but what about THIS ONE? / nobody knows, nobody knowwwws’

No, the cat is one or the other. Radioactive half-life is the point at which there is a 50/50 chance that any single isotope had decayed, and we usually work around that in classical systems by using large sample sizes (a pile of isotopes, it’s easy to see that half of it would have decayed). But for one single isotope we aren’t observing (or the cat), we need to look at it in terms of probabilities until we observe it

… It’d be a lot easier to explain this if Schroedinger had a whole pile of boxes with cats in them